dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
