MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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