I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
