Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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