to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
