I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
there is puke in my bra ... again
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