Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
