Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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