so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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