Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
