We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
