she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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