i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is classic penis vs brain.
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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