Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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