I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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