This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
