Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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