so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
