I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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