If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
