my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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