so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
