I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He better not be in your backpack
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
