Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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