I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
