She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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