my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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