So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I checked into jail on foursquare
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
