so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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