Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
