So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
