saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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