a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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