Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
