I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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