90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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