Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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