It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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