We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
