he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
