Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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