just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
