About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Drake has all the answers
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
