the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think my fart just growled at me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize