I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
