is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
