just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
