I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
