walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
