glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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