I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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