I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just gargled with NyQuil
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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