I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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