all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
