I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
