The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
