She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
