Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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