i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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