last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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