I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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