at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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