I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
50% drunk capacity currently
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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