That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
