i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want to make out with him forever
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
