the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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