I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
