he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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