He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
