It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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