i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
