lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
