my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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