Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
