There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
