she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I stole a fireplace last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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