Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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