Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
